The Man I Became

I wrapped the house in iron so the wolves would never feed Built a kingdom out of orders, out of fear, out of belief Called it love when I locked every window, every door Didn’t see the smoke until it pooled across the floor I put the storm on my shoulders, wore the thunder as a badge Turned my children into soldiers just by teaching them my map Promised them the world would never touch their fragile names Never knew I was the hand that set their pictures in the flames Every oath I made was just another loaded prayer Every “I will keep you safe” was a blade hung in the air Out of all the men behind that door All the faces wearing my same name All the lives I see then can’t ignore This is the man, this is the man I became My son learned truth from the stories that I fed Knelt before the altar I’d been building in his head Thought I was a shield between his heart and all their hate Didn’t see I’d carved his path straight into their gates My bright one sang their music, lit like someone else’s star Hand in hand with banners, never seeing how they scar My eldest saw the bones beneath the white and perfect snow Turned her eyes from me; said there are things you can’t unknow You held the mirror up and showed the blood beneath my hands Every secret that you shattered broke the spell I’d tried to stand Out of all the men behind that door All the faces wearing my same name All the lives I see then can’t ignore This is the man, this is the man I became There was a hallway full of mirrors, every pane another life Saw a stranger with my features who had never learned this knife Stepped into his gentle shadow, wore his quiet like a coat But the war I kept inside me bled right through his every hope Tried to drag my son away from futures burning in my mind Tried to claw the bullets from a sky that had already been designed Different flags above our heads but the hunger felt the same Every world I touch ends up pronouncing me by name We have seen those other lives, and it tears the soul in two Knowing every man I could have been is brighter than the one that’s true Out of all the men behind that door All the faces wearing my same name All the worlds I glimpse then can’t restore This is the man, this is the man I became Out of all the men behind that door All the futures whispering my name I can’t carry what I’m standing in here for So I let this man fall and free the rest from my shame Behind that door, they walk away Different hands, same face, but they don’t have to stay Here is where the story carves my final shape This is where I bury the man I became